The Rule of 10

UniQpoet,

I tend to chuckle to myself alot, I often remember funny moments, hilarious jokes, conversations and even conversations that aren’t “funny” per se but conversations which bring up topics presented in an interesting manner about deep topics. One conversation in particular I keep drawing upon is between me and a classmate from graduate school. Last summer on her last day at the hospital we had lunch together. She was moving on to a professorship at another teaching hospital and she was very excited about it. She is single and has a teenage daughter and she was talking about how where she was moving had more potential to do more in her career and socially. Now how we got on the topic of relationships escapes me at this moment, more than likely we got there simply because we were both successful African-Americans who were not married but I was feeling the pinch from family to settle down. My classmate looked at me, rolled her eyes and said, “Married people are soooo unhappy!” She continued, “Hell, I can be that unhappy by myself!” I think what she said coupled with how she reacted while she made the statement always sat with me as like I mentioned the conversation in general.

For a while at my last job at a “prominent” HBCU, I was surrounded by some REALLY jaded married people. There were some moments where I thought every co-worker who was having marital issues were going to just end it! Naturally that kind of threw me for a loop and at that time I felt kind of like my classmate, what is the f*cking point!  Today I thought again about that moment and it got me to thinking why is there an overall feeling that married folks in general are miserable when it is apparent that there are good marriages and bad marriages is that thing that causes the tension in relationships/marriages?

Let me try this hypothesis: First to start I think couples are in the middle and swing (kind of in manic fashion) between bliss and anger. So one day it’s “I love her” the next day is “She got to go!” One day it’s, “He’s such a good man. The next: “I will cut that m^therf*ckers balls off!!! Like Chris Rock said, “If you haven’t contemplated murder, you haven’t been in love.”

Now I know that was a bit extreme, but I needed to provide an illustration for my hypothesis.

My father presented me with a life scenario which is very true. He said to me, if you have 100 tasks to complete and of those you do 99 right and screw up the last one, for some reason everyone always seems to remember the screw up. That is very true about life and says a lot about human nature, we tend to focus on the bad or the negative while we are inundated with positive results and outcomes. Well I honestly don’t know anyone who could (or has) thought of 100 things that they like or dislike about their relationship. So I thought it would make more sense to look at 10 things.

So here it goes:

If in a relationship there are 10 things that bind you or hold you together to another, you can best believe that one of those things is the one thing that is the stumbling block that is causing the unhappiness or discomfort in your relationship. For example, insecurity has been an issue that we have both discussed on a number of occasions. That seems to be the sticking point issue for your relationship as well as mine.  I think that the one thing that creates tension in a relationship (that  1 of 10) is what keeps the flip from I love you to I hate you alive and well.

Did I just over think this or is this hypothesis ready to be tested for theory?

The Professor