Fighting Demons? Hell, mine should be paying half the rent!

I find myself constantly looking inwards. I can respect anyone who is constantly looking inward, discovering new things about themselves and taking that information to grow as a person. When I am single, I lean on past relationships and lessons learned to ensure that I try to be better in the next relationship. I HATE comparing relationships, but to compare is inevitable. Why is that?

I think all relationships have common themes: being together, learning about one another, intimacy, emotion and other inportant things. What sets each relationship apart is how these elements are experienced. I dont think each relationship presents these elements the same, so that is where comparisons start. I can say that my last two relationships (those more than 1 year) ended ugly. I think the most immediate, previous relationship had more of an impact on me emotionally and from a baggage standpoint for a wide myriad of reasons.

The baggage I speak of has I think been the underlying cause of alot of our discussions U.P. and it causes me to be a somewhat more defensive. An example of this is when an argument is ensuing or has begun. I learned a while back that in life you have to "pick the hills you want to die on" or you "pick and choose your battles carefully." There are some things that I honestly wont argue about, I will simply ask "Is this worth it" because I spent alot of time with my ex fighting over alot of petty bullshit. Now that I have lived through that, I just refuse to argue over something ridiculous.

Now the title of this blog states that maybe I have not dealt with my demons appropriately. I dont think I have and sometimes I think I see where that can be a problem. So the question you posed is how can one deal with these things? I think the solution lies in communication. What we miss as people in trying to figure out why our relationships are anemic is that our communication is poor and we lack respect for each other. In regards to respect, I know that the basic level exists but when it comes to small interpersonal disagreements both sides feel some level of disrespect. That causes each person to state their positiion more strongly and the communication gets thrown out of the window.

I am a major proponent of communication, I think the average married couple can say that commnuication is one of the important tenets of their marriage. Where commnuication fails is when we hear, but we dont LISTEN. Most people dont know there is a major difference between the two. When we listen, we hear the true meaning behind the words. When we listen, we can feel the emotion and know (that is it) if it is real. When we listen, we can better be an advocate and friend for our partner. Many are afraid of sharing because of the lack of listening...we hear the words but we dont listen to the meaning.

So what have we learned? Pick your battles, Listen to your partner (dont just HEAR them) and try introspection sometime if you dont subscribe to it regularly, you might just like it.

Class Dismissed...