Can we get serious for a second? I mean really. Can we talk about some things?
I find myself getting abundantly introspective when I am in a relationship. What's interesting is that this introspection or self-inspection seems to happen whether I'm living the singular or plural life.
And what is it that I think about?
I think about what all men think about: am I in the right place at the right time? Now, before you get all confused and shit, I'm quite happy with my fiancée and where we are in our relationship. My question has to do with a man's personal baggage.
We tend to bring a lot of personal luggage into a relationship whether we want believe it or not. What kind of baggage are you talking about brotha? We carry into each new relationship a desire for something we had in the old relationship. If your ex-girlfriend gave you outstanding sex, you're going to have that expectation of the new love of your life. If your ex-girlfriend could put her foot in just about every meal she ever made you, you're going to expect your new sweetheart to put Epicurious.com to shame! On the flipside, however, you also bring another form of baggage: the hurt.
I tried to explain to a female friend of mine that it takes men a long time to trust. A good blowjob will make a man utter those three words: I love you. But, it takes a lot more for a man to give a woman the account numbers and passwords. When a man does, he expects that trust to never be betrayed. When it happens, it makes it that much harder to trust the next woman. Women tend to fall hard and fast. They dole out trust, most of the time, like it was a slice of pie. Leading with their hearts in damn near all affairs, they leave themselves open for all kinds of pain.
But...we don't do that sort of thing. Right?
Whenever you have an argument with your girlfriend (significant other), do you find yourself thinking about past arguments with past girlfriends? Do you find yourself experiencing déjà vu? And while you're reminiscing, are you getting even more upset because you thought the new girl was so very different from the old girl?
Are we there yet? Yes...this is the baggage!
You could extend this notion of baggage to the ever-so-evil practice of comparing your new to your old. We all try not to do it, but it's in a man's nature to believe that he has traded up with every new love. When we are faced with a taste of the old, however, we start second guessing shit. We start asking, "why am I here?" One has to believe that this baggage colors the relationship in a way that could be detrimental.
So, how do you avoid this situation? We want solutions damn it...not problems!
I really don't know. This is why I'm opening this up for discussion. How do we move beyond the bad memories of past loves? How do we move beyond our past baggage that we typically don't deal with? I've screwed up plenty relationships not dealing with my past demons. I'm getting better though (insert a smile).
Okay...talk amongst yourselves!!!
I find myself getting abundantly introspective when I am in a relationship. What's interesting is that this introspection or self-inspection seems to happen whether I'm living the singular or plural life.
And what is it that I think about?
I think about what all men think about: am I in the right place at the right time? Now, before you get all confused and shit, I'm quite happy with my fiancée and where we are in our relationship. My question has to do with a man's personal baggage.
We tend to bring a lot of personal luggage into a relationship whether we want believe it or not. What kind of baggage are you talking about brotha? We carry into each new relationship a desire for something we had in the old relationship. If your ex-girlfriend gave you outstanding sex, you're going to have that expectation of the new love of your life. If your ex-girlfriend could put her foot in just about every meal she ever made you, you're going to expect your new sweetheart to put Epicurious.com to shame! On the flipside, however, you also bring another form of baggage: the hurt.
I tried to explain to a female friend of mine that it takes men a long time to trust. A good blowjob will make a man utter those three words: I love you. But, it takes a lot more for a man to give a woman the account numbers and passwords. When a man does, he expects that trust to never be betrayed. When it happens, it makes it that much harder to trust the next woman. Women tend to fall hard and fast. They dole out trust, most of the time, like it was a slice of pie. Leading with their hearts in damn near all affairs, they leave themselves open for all kinds of pain.
But...we don't do that sort of thing. Right?
Whenever you have an argument with your girlfriend (significant other), do you find yourself thinking about past arguments with past girlfriends? Do you find yourself experiencing déjà vu? And while you're reminiscing, are you getting even more upset because you thought the new girl was so very different from the old girl?
Are we there yet? Yes...this is the baggage!
You could extend this notion of baggage to the ever-so-evil practice of comparing your new to your old. We all try not to do it, but it's in a man's nature to believe that he has traded up with every new love. When we are faced with a taste of the old, however, we start second guessing shit. We start asking, "why am I here?" One has to believe that this baggage colors the relationship in a way that could be detrimental.
So, how do you avoid this situation? We want solutions damn it...not problems!
I really don't know. This is why I'm opening this up for discussion. How do we move beyond the bad memories of past loves? How do we move beyond our past baggage that we typically don't deal with? I've screwed up plenty relationships not dealing with my past demons. I'm getting better though (insert a smile).
Okay...talk amongst yourselves!!!
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